there are days i wonder if my capacity is actually pea-sized. and maybe it is not that i am strong + made stronger bcos of perceived ‘tough’ battles, but that it is this pea-sized capacity being easily overwhelmed and growing to…. peanut size? is this bad? maybe not. maybe only when seen in comparison to others.

learning in the past 2 months that there are too many things we cannot find answers to. sometimes there is no point. and so much i cannot bring myself to think about.

also learning that autonomy and self determination, and viewing strengths not deficits.. lol, 很难

and very real fears that i could become a gatekeeper who fails to convey empathy, or become apathetic and unwilling to go deeper because of my inability to accept how little one can do.

ethics is the biggest lOL

But yes.. 不能一步登天.

WHY LORD r human beings i.e. ME so flawed?

Ok i dont need an answer. 


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