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so marks the end of another season. 10 weeks flew by so quickly though the last few days felt like they were nv gonna enDDD and were filled with so much dread n anxiety. not sure if im any closer to knowing where exactly i want to work in future, but rly cant imagine being in another field. but dis iz only da beginning. T_T

first day post placement: sleeping in, yoga n lunch with a long time friend, trying to finish up CSRs, class with a dancer i respect lots n getting REKT, and cell 🙂 one of the best things of tday wld probably be getting updates from a colleague tt we’ll be applying FA for my (ex)client :-))))) never wanted to be a worker dealing with FA but after so many ‘whys’ and frustrations the past 2 weeks, am relieved 🙂 indomie n sangria to end a loOooooOng week :-))))))

should really STOP drinking coffee past 4pm since i am becoming old and it becomes so hard to sleep!! also should start learning a lesson in conSISTENCY 😡

there are days i whine and rant like a child, wondering why God has called me to this, refusing to let myself free fall into His love and refusing to accept that He really does have it planned, from start to end. the journey inward has been tiring, explaining why this is even necessary to others who think they are listening, even more so. knowing something cognitively doesn’t mean acceptance, or that feelings automatically disappear. learning to sit with discomfort and feelings i dislike. thank God for a supervisor who exemplifies tough love and allows for vulnerability, for seminar classmates who understand and encourage. tired but grateful, and a looooong way to go

‘difficult only means you have to work hard’

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motivation.. self efficacy.. self concept..
why am i doing what i am doing? why do i keep looking back at.. me?

first time missing exchange aft being back. the silence and simplicity, the weather, the lack of responsibility and expectations, meeting new people but only for a moment – fleeting but so genuine. bye bye boston 😦

why does this tiredness come so suddenly
am i really self aware at all?
why does it matter how others see me
if i say i am a servant of the Lord?
why do i forget lessons so easily
and why don’t my questions have answers
why have You called me to this
when only You know all things, from start to end?
how long before this all ends

maybe i can’t do this.. but maybe i can?

this weekend was so enjoyable, so sad that work starts again tmr….. love my job but am just a nua sai…. T_TTT dREADED tech/ casting and rly thought i was gonna DIE during class lol but finally met welly again + ended early and didnt have to rush to church *\^^/* also reunited w reubs n gordon, don’t know how we r still friends but actually v grateful leh i nv expected to stay in contact w/ anyone outside of softball.. God works in funny ways. n today was GR8!! went for dim sum and coffee with mum n decided to go for a massage and get aftn beers HURHUR plus it rained n the weather was nice enough for us to sit outdoors n even managed to nap before meeting dad for dinner yay 😀 what a nice day full of food and fat, just like in boston just +1000000 more people and buildings everywhere~ BUT ok back to work tmr which iz also the halfway point of placement. feeling a stronger sense of urgency n each day becomes even more precious.. hAIZ wish placement was longer…. but have to rmbr- clients before learning. am sitting much better with uncertainty which is something to celebrateeeeee? cant wait to start work for real leh

beneath the waters


sometimes people just want to be heard. to know that they are still worthy of dignity, respect, and love. what do these big words mean? more than money, sometimes. and iz q amazing how these can be conveyed in mere minutes