uhh weird?

erm this is a really odd night was reading abt the circadian rhythm and feeling usually bloated (only ate 1 pau + 2 dumplings + 1 butter bun + quadratinis + milk?! k seems like alot in retrospect…… but ok) AND ANYWAY so suddenly there was liquid coming out of my nose and i thought it was some intense mucus or what but NO its blood LOL haven’t had a nosebleed in idek how long and this was intense like a stream of blood does it mean too heaty or what??? LOL dont dare to take the tissue paper out of my nose now hALP k not like anyone can help just gna look for my trusty m8 aka google. ooOOoOOOOoOOO by-elections on 7 may just thinking if i lived there then i wld be able to vote by now!!!! rly wna take a photo of my bloody tissues but it’s weird to do that right. and the past 2 days have been so unproductive zzzzz T_T

Done is better than perfect. If you look back unashamed at something that you did in the past, you waited too long.

what an exciting age we are entering!! so nice to see your friends and acquaintances (fb rox) starting to pursue things they deem important/ worth it 😀 and i love how at this age and stage in life we are relatively free to fail. i guess this is debatable too but if not now, then when?

been thinking about contentment and ambition.. does being ambitious mean you can never be contented? can you be contented yet have ambition at the same time? does being easily contented mean you lack ambition? or do they actually have no link at all lol

just took the tissue out and the bleeding hasnt stopped LOL WTS

hmmMmmmmMMMmmmmMmm i think one thing abt doing SW is that it has made me more sensitive to the underlying messages of ‘lol u actually learn such basic things?’ ‘these things are so simple anyone could do them’ ‘lol talk to people only need to study one meh’ and i think it bothers me the most when they come from people i’ve actually bothered talking to abt what we do. lol salaries are rising but it doesn’t change the way people value this work. ya lah everyone also like to say it’s meaningful, but so simple anyone also can do right? and how will a small fry ever reach policy level right just one of the cogs plus if u had a brain u would go straight up and change those policies HOR? k lah abit kua zhang LOL just rambling bye.

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have come to the sad realisation that i def. will not be able to finish both my HK show and DOTS in these 2 weeks….. well i guess u can’t have it all………. but ok shall just finish the HK show cos u gotTA FINISH WHAT U STARTED right?!??!?! 😆 So anyway i was just watching the HK show and there were some people who wanted to force a girl into prostitution, so they locked her up in some abandoned hut and starved her and she survived for like >5 days yet refused to give in!  are we victims of circumstance??? honestly dk if i would be able to last so long under the same circumstances? survival or pride?????? or is it more than that?? i think the recent hk shows have been quite nice leh……….. 😀 ok nobody cares but i dont care abt that

so it’s wk 13 and time to chiong for finals agn!!!! one of my favourite periods of time (since like secondary sch i realised) cos you’re so free and all you have to do is study!! no projects or assignments or cca and other random things to worry abt cos everything put on hold for exams right….. and you finally meet people you havent had the time to meet during the semester it’s like a big happy reunion in the library (or wherever u choose to study at la) ^^ erm my pattern is more or less the same every exam la: excited to study, start studying, get distracted by random thing like tv or yoga or something, start panicking, study again, go a little mad nearer to the date, reach a stage of acceptance…… blah blah blah

think i became darker… like dont even know from what maybe from having a black face all day?? 😀 lel ok stupid bye

may tmr/ TDAY be a good and productive day

zzz ant invasion in my room. idk how many years later and i’m still spending so much time trying to figure out where the stupid ant hole is. i hope they haven’t made a home in the terrarium because that would mean exile for the terrarium. another reason to declutter!!

am not sure if i have irrational beliefs abt friendship but should probably take the time to think about it soon. & i get the whole low maintenance thing but with 0 effort and 0 time, you can hardly maintain a relationship at all. it’s almost like having to get to know someone all over again after a few months since we are constantly changing, yet one could hold the same dated understanding of another and see no need to alter it at all? and the missing of important milestones in life! i do believe that there are moments you cannot make up for, big or small. perhaps i have found an irrational belief. how many people do you really need in your life at any one time?

still drowning in all the drama that happened today oh god. why do people waste energy on such stupid things like hello not busy enough? is this what a ‘toxic’ person is? what a harsh label to place on someone though.

self-centeredness is so repulsive.

cut cut cut declutter declutter declutter!!!!

so upset about the ants still…… but too tired to look for their home z z z z shall do it on……. lol maybe next week.

not sure when being ‘busy’ became something to boast about? how do you even know you’re going anywhere with all that?

craftholic is starting to grow on me although it is flowery and gay.

 

log: Friday

Today was a tiring day. I woke up late (again), and went to school feeling bloated and gross and with half my soul still lost idk where. Met a nice taxi uncle who made the morning better with “wah so many people want to hijack your taxi” and “ok thanks ah girl have a nice day”. Became quite affected over what we learnt about during lecture and realised that this is one area I probably really do not want to go into. Walked past the DE booth otw to the next lecture and saw Joyce’s sunflower which felt like *\^^/* (thks joyceeeee :*). Then went for another lecture but not sure if I caught anything apart from lecturer’s stories. Was so drained (lel weak as hell) I borrowed Hannah’s car so I could drive home for an hour long nap before duty @ the booth. Tried the soy espresso frappe which was nice. Energy spent socializing and trying to sell the leftover bears. Then went for an unproductive project meeting… What made me think completing a 4k paper in 3 days was gg to be easy I don’t even know…… S/U? Moment of panic with groupmates before leaving. Walked to YIH. Was annoyed. More energy spent talking on the bus to Clementi. Hate travelling to Clementi at 6/7+……….. the roads are always so crowded. Had a moment of peace in Westgate’s toilet before spending more energy talking on another bus ride……. which was long. Then went for cell and today we spent it fellowshipping….. Yay. Spent more energy socializing. Thank God for the invention of games that save us the trouble of having to talk about something else. More energy talking during the car ride……. Then finally home n alone….. More energy spent on my phone. And being angry. Decided I should start on the project because I won’t do it tomorrow. Got distracted and cooked fried rice instead. And now I am sitting in the living room documenting this day. This was quite therapeutic. Maybe it’s the sound of the ceiling fan. On n on n on…… but going nowhere. Thinking of the long day later on and I think something on the inside of me just died. I’m being dramatic.

I’m tired.

But thankful for the tiny breaks and unexpected surprises in between.

3am woes

zzzzsob been waiting for these stupid videos to upload for the last 30 minutes.
and just came to the realisation that even though we’ll finally be done with NAC by this week, Internals still has to happen + mission trip planning is starting 😯 😕 😯 and finals o my mama and i still can’t stop watching my shows… & my essays are not progressing!!!!! oh God……….. T_T but honestly feel q accomplished teehee just need to settle venues and let everything happen magically!!! lol who am i kidding….. but i hope no problems come up in nov plsplsplspls 😥

saw this quote by Andrew Carnegie today LOL #motivation?

People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents

no not really LOL

lol ok im crazy
wth the uploading is not even making any progress……. maybe i should cut them anyway the real items aren’t gonna be so long…. but i don’t want to….

maybe i should just upload it tomorrow………….
wow i’m really talking to myself

oh just thought of another woe (ya no it’s not really WOE-worthy but just) like can ppl stop telling me that they are behind on readings pls lel havent even been printing readings anymore n just struggling to complete assignments……… actually no ppl can continue telling me that but just………… i dont know how to respond u know????? u feelin me????

ya actually im just talking nonsense because the stupid upload is not moving at all zzzzzz

bye………. tgif…. yay

dynamics

conversations with my dad usually revolve around the same things. lameo things like: how much money i am spending, where to have dinner, going to the supermarket, or him asking me where to pick me up from. an argument would be the result of an attempt to cross these boundaries.

yes people have choices, and sometimes people walk themselves into shitty situations with their choices,
but does this necessarily mean that they do not deserve help? and do not deserve to even vent their frustration?
maybe they were being irrational and completely stupid and maybe they really do deserve whatever outcome they have
but what about grace and what about compassion and
doesn’t everyone make stupid decisions
i mean like ya one should be responsible and face the consequences of their decisions but if they are emotionally financially blahblah crippled as a result of these decisions then does one just ignore them!??!?!?!
ok whatever LOL perhaps my rationality is clouded by emotion

‘he pushed the door further but hesitated entering, as if remaining outside would somehow absolve him of responsibility for whatever lay beyond.’

ANYWAY week three thoughts:

  • so so so so glad to realise tt i’m not alone!!! 😀 might have been one of the best things to happen this wk wheeee
  • or since uni started!!!!!!!!! bahahahhaa
  • rly hope i can still go for exchange it’s honestly all i’ve been looking forward to even b4 uni started………… siandoggie lol and reminded of when tpe said “are you sure it’s what God wants?” when i was rambling excitedly abt exchange and all i wanted to do…………. lol just.
  • also hope i won’t have to delay grad…… basiofjwoijfew
  • first ever tut where i talked so much and felt so comfortable weehewwwww class part woes are over!!
  • thankful 4 the exco 🙂
  • bs is actually a rly nice prof who catered dinner for us!!!! (reminder 2 myself lol)
  • saddlebone is causing my nerves to feel funny…. hope i dont die
  • should i overload next sem
  • doing everything and anything but studying!!!!
  • 6th sept………. nhs + welly leaving olordy
  • not quite sure what i’m doing