aiyoh this song.. guess most swks can resonate.

I can’t unfeel your pain
I can’t undo what’s done
I can’t send back the rain
But if I could I would
My love, my arms are open
So when you feel like you can’t take another round of being broken
My arms are open
And when you’re losing faith and every door around you keeps on closing
My arms are open
I can’t uncry your tears
I can’t rewind the time
I can’t unsay what’s said
In your crazy life
My love, my arms are open
Oh, and when you’re cursing at the sky
And thinking, “lord, you must be joking”
My arms are open
And, and when you’re looking in the mirror
Thinking that, “my life is over”
My arms are open

it’s really not happening for my brain tonight.. gotta stop doing things in bits n pieces n losing my train of thought all the time. but today was interesting hahah to see how the biggest 头 can face similar challenges n dilemmas as we do cos we r all under the same laws.. how the NEA mozzie check can be used to gain entry into one’s home for protection of life cos we r powerless haha actually quite funny we like to joke tt it’s being ‘resourceful’ but under what circumstances wld tt b permissible?? feelsssssssss excited to work agn hahahhaha iz true what they say you forget abt clients when they are out of sight…. hais. all this fear of ‘adulting’ and committing they r rly starting to get in the way.. also seeing batchmates tt i havent seen for the entire sem was nice ^^ quite funny to know tt next time i may call another agency for referral or what and the person on the other end of the line cld be one of those who made v retarded jokes or were super enthu in class/ always late/ always seen on tele or fb in class/ best or worst proj mates hahahahahaaa. the human heart thinks it knows what it wants.. but only God knows best. it’s hard to explain anything at all. think greater self awareness is needed.. all these thoughts aiyoh……. but this iz only the beginning. :’)

I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings…
… Then I will ever sing in praise of your name and fulfill my vows day after day
– Psalm 61:4 & 8 (NIV)

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notes on vulnerability

‘For Samantha Speis, Urban Bush Women associate artistic director and dancer, being vulnerable is “taking a deep dive,” allowing yourself to be in a state of wholeness, so all parts of yourself are available and receptive to the moment. “When I’m in that place,” she says, “there are endless possibilities of what I contribute—my lineage, my history, my experiences, my narrative is inside the work.”‘

‘Allowing herself to experience the piece’s physical journey leads to authentic vulnerability, akin to living real life: see, react, engage and, ultimately, be.’

also vids cant open on phone zz so whEEEE finally dancing in the same grp as amAAA aft so many times there 🙂 effort pls clap

so much to read and learn and inhale…. so little time. shd really stop coming home early comfort is the enemy!!…. RESOLVED this semester to be faithful in the little hahaaaaaaa, Lord help me. little steps r steps too 🙂

‘6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.’ phil 1:6

false humility

‘just another form of self-centeredness, which the enemy has a right to exploit’

let me say yes, thank God, and have complete confidence in You and You alone.

remembering some conversations on exchange.. it is odd, the impact a passing stranger can have on you. how one can show such kindness and love to another within moments of meeting them.. to imagine that this is only a tiny tiny tiny fraction of the Lord’s love for us..

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faith makes a fool of what makes sense
still my heart, let Your voice be all i hear now
help me to obey

today n yesterday left my mind overwhelmed. by conversations and thoughts and questions deemed by mE too difficult to even attempt to think about they all came up again. this time too compelling to ignore and also weirdly i choose not to ignore. heart overflowing- with gratitude, excitement.. a subtle joy? lol does that even exist.. but also burdened and heavy with worry slowly creeping in. everything is noisy and messy but not in a bad way. pulled in so many different directions. trying to make sense of it all. Lord help me to stay faithful, do not let this burst of excitement draw me away from Your voice. hais God works in such funny ways n i am left with no words

You don’t give Your heart in pieces

today

stepping back into a place of quiet and rest,

it’s timeeeeeee,

about time actually.

it’s been 10 months since. thank You Jesus for Your lovingkindness and patience. You have been so, so kind to me. may my life from this day reflect this.

there are days i whine and rant like a child, wondering why God has called me to this, refusing to let myself free fall into His love and refusing to accept that He really does have it planned, from start to end. the journey inward has been tiring, explaining why this is even necessary to others who think they are listening, even more so. knowing something cognitively doesn’t mean acceptance, or that feelings automatically disappear. learning to sit with discomfort and feelings i dislike. thank God for a supervisor who exemplifies tough love and allows for vulnerability, for seminar classmates who understand and encourage. tired but grateful, and a looooong way to go

holding it up

this week was tiRING……. but reminded of His sovereignty and well rested in the Lord. how nice 2 spend a few hours in worship, with others who yearn for Him as well 🙂 joy comes from Him alone. 

those days are the reason why it is so important to know why i am doing what i do…. when u feel helpless and when self efficacy iS…. haharrr missing. the road seems so long but wanting to get to the end doesnt stop me from getting distracted.. should be working so much harder- owe it to my clients and to the Lord. praying that i will be faithful in the remaining weeks and months to come…..

sad to accept that i am far too quick to judge……. but after awareness comes action for change. 不能再那么懒散了!!must not expect from clients what i dare not even expect from myself right???????? hello discipline!! the smallest things matter, like a seemingly harmless complaint or whining about your situation. // held it in during session but felt like i was cutting my heart out and shoving it to the client.. literally ‘my heart goes out to you’ dong ma?? wish i could tell him how much i respect him and his resilience. but empathy isn’t internalizing another’s feelings and emotions