today

stepping back into a place of quiet and rest,

it’s timeeeeeee,

about time actually.

it’s been 10 months since. thank You Jesus for Your lovingkindness and patience. You have been so, so kind to me. may my life from this day reflect this.

there are days i whine and rant like a child, wondering why God has called me to this, refusing to let myself free fall into His love and refusing to accept that He really does have it planned, from start to end. the journey inward has been tiring, explaining why this is even necessary to others who think they are listening, even more so. knowing something cognitively doesn’t mean acceptance, or that feelings automatically disappear. learning to sit with discomfort and feelings i dislike. thank God for a supervisor who exemplifies tough love and allows for vulnerability, for seminar classmates who understand and encourage. tired but grateful, and a looooong way to go

holding it up

this week was tiRING……. but reminded of His sovereignty and well rested in the Lord. how nice 2 spend a few hours in worship, with others who yearn for Him as well 🙂 joy comes from Him alone. 

those days are the reason why it is so important to know why i am doing what i do…. when u feel helpless and when self efficacy iS…. haharrr missing. the road seems so long but wanting to get to the end doesnt stop me from getting distracted.. should be working so much harder- owe it to my clients and to the Lord. praying that i will be faithful in the remaining weeks and months to come…..

sad to accept that i am far too quick to judge……. but after awareness comes action for change. 不能再那么懒散了!!must not expect from clients what i dare not even expect from myself right???????? hello discipline!! the smallest things matter, like a seemingly harmless complaint or whining about your situation. // held it in during session but felt like i was cutting my heart out and shoving it to the client.. literally ‘my heart goes out to you’ dong ma?? wish i could tell him how much i respect him and his resilience. but empathy isn’t internalizing another’s feelings and emotions

也许我一个人不能成就一番大事业
但我尽力贡献一份微薄的力量
也许我自己不能发出万丈光和亮
但我能为斗室带来足够的光芒

我从来都不在乎自己不是一个大人物
因为平凡也是一种幸福,
看到名人总是忙忙碌碌
我的时间由我控制
平凡日子一样会充实

one of my favourite songs ever

balmorhea

sitting in grad with hummus, chips, wine and my favourite playlist of instrumentals on spotify and hello strange wave of familiarity

of nights in MTL with Ligia where we would have long, unrushed dinners followed by tea, while talking about her latest and sometimes odd couchsurfing requests from surfers. my first exposure to stories of romania, cuba and israel, first exposure to vegan food, of kindness so unrestrained, and couchsurfing. i think she would have loved this song

isn’t it odd how sound and taste can bring you back to moments you can never, ever relive again?

this wine is too buttery……. im feeling prawns

on the train to montreal:

i feel really lucky, or blessed would be a better word. it’s like i’m traveling alone but i’m never alone. this trip has been a little crazy, and it’s crazy how easy it is to share your entire life with strangers you are meeting only for a moment?! learning more about things i have 0 knowledge about that affects the lives of others every single day. but underneath it all, it scares me that i am getting so comfortable with doing seemingly nothing. it’s like i could really retire right now and spend all my days like this. which is scary. 2 more days in canada!!! i hope one day i have the chance to come back again